Why Starting New Routines Feels Hard — Especially at the Beginning of the Year

Every January, many of us feel motivated to create fresh routines: waking up earlier, meditating, exercising, eating healthier, or improving our sleep or relationships. Almost everyone knows they want these changes — but so many also report struggling to keep them going. What makes starting and maintaining new routines so difficult? And how can we think differently about setbacks so that we keep trying?

The first thing to understand is that change isn’t just a matter of willpower. Behavioural science shows that habits and routines (even thoughts) are deeply engrained in our brain’s automatic systems. When we repeat actions in stable contexts, the behaviour becomes automatic and easier to perform over time. But until that automaticity is established, the behaviour remains effortful, requiring conscious self-regulation and planning. 

Research on habit formation suggests that the time it takes to forge a new routine varies widely from person to person — averages in experimental studies range from roughly 59–66 days, but some people take much longer, depending on the behaviour and context. That means the early weeks of change — especially in January — are expected to feel challenging, not unusual.

A common misconception is the idea that successful change should be fast or immediate. But the science tells us that sustainable habits aren’t built overnight.

The Psychology Behind Struggling — and What It Tells Us

Why does this effort feel so hard? One reason is that many new behaviours take deliberate self-regulation to perform consistently at first. Complex behaviours — like structured exercise, planning meals, new activities, or daily journaling — require conscious effort every time they are done until they eventually become less effortful. 

Another factor is how we interpret setbacks. Often our rigid expectations — for example, “If I miss a day, I’ve failed” —  feel discouraging and lead to giving up entirely. Conversely, psychological research suggests that a growth mindset — seeing challenges as part of the learning process — correlates with greater persistence and success over time (e.g., those who view abilities and habits as changeable rather than fixed). 

Research on self-compassion further supports this idea. When people respond to setbacks with kindness rather than self-criticism, they maintain motivation and rebound more easily toward future efforts. Self-compassion involves acknowledging that struggle is part of the experience, treating ourselves kindly in times of difficulty, and recognizing that imperfection doesn’t mean personal failure but is an essential part of the change process. 

This isn’t just “feel-good” rhetoric — experimental work in psychology finds that self-compassionate responses to perceived failure are linked with greater intentions to continue pursuing goals and stronger perceived control over behaviour change efforts. What this means is that how you interpret a setback is more important than reaching a goal without any setbacks. 

So instead of viewing a missed day as evidence that change is impossible, we can see it as data — information about what barriers came up, and what supports might help next time.

Reframing Setbacks: From Failure to Exploration

Here’s where a psychological shift makes a real difference: rather than labeling setbacks as “failure,” consider them opportunities to explore what got in the way. When a morning exercise routine fizzles after two weeks, ask:

• Was the plan too ambitious?
• Did something in your daily schedule conflict with the intention?
• Did emotional stress or fatigue make the habit harder?
• Were there life events that interfered that were out of my control? 

This process of curious problem-solving — rather than self-blame — taps into key principles of effective behaviour change. Implementation intentions, for example — specific if-then plans (“If it’s after breakfast, then I’ll walk for 10 minutes”) — have strong evidence for improving goal attainment because they provide structure and context cues that bridge intentions and action. 

Similarly, habit research highlights the importance of consistent contextual cues and repetition to form automaticity. Frequent repetition in a stable context strengthens the association between the environment and behaviour — which is why linking new routines to existing habits (like brushing your teeth then meditating) increases the likelihood of sticking with them. 

Instead of seeing a “failed” plan as proof you’re not capable, see it as information about your unique rhythm, schedule, and life demands. That mindset shift — from judgment to exploration — is a central principle in many therapeutic approaches like Motivational Interviewing and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.

Practical Strategies That Support Persistence

Here are evidence-informed strategies to help you design routines that are sustainable — and to stay motivated through the early bumps in the road:

1. Start small

Pick a tiny version of the behaviour you ultimately want. Even 5 minutes of activity or a brief reflection can build confidence and momentum. Once consistency builds, you can gradually expand the routine.

2. Anchor to context

Attach the new behaviour to a stable cue (e.g., morning coffee, after lunch, bedtime routine). Cue-response linkages help habits become automatic. 

3. Reflect on barriers

When an attempt doesn’t go as planned, ask what happened rather than what’s wrong with me. This helps you adjust the plan with curiosity instead of guilt.

4. Practice self-compassion

Understand that struggle is universal and that imperfection does not mean you can’t be successful. Treating yourself with warmth during setbacks keeps motivation alive. 

5. Build in support

Talk to a friend, family member, or therapist about your goals. Social support and accountability can increase adherence to new routines, especially in the early stages of change.

These approaches — rooted in research and clinical practice — help shift the focus from “Did I fail?” to “What can I learn and try next?” That shift, even more than the behaviour itself, predicts long-term growth.

You’re Not Failing — You’re Learning and Adapting

If you’re reading this in the first few weeks of the year and feeling discouraged, know this: you’re not alone — and the science shows you’re not failing. Change is hard at the beginning precisely because you’re rewiring patterns that have been built over years. But with consistent practice, supportive structures, and a kind attitude toward yourself, routines do become easier and more automatic over time. 

The goal isn’t perfection — it’s persistence. Every effort you make, including the ones that don’t go exactly as planned, brings you closer to understanding what works for you.

Ready to Talk Through Your Goals?

If you’d like help exploring what may be blocking your progress, understanding your patterns, or developing a strategy that fits your life, NorthSky Counselling is here for you. Our goal is to provide a compassionate, evidence-based approach to behaviour change, motivation, and wellbeing.

Schedule a consultation today — let’s turn your intentions into sustainable change together.